Your eyes are a vibrant sky blue with long curling lashes. I get lost in them sometimes even when I don’t want to. When you smile I smile right back. I love the way my name sounds when you sing it to me to get my attention. The feeling I get when you move closer to me is a feeling I haven’t felt in so long. Trying desperately to ignore the fact that I want to be more than just friends I find ways to keep you near. I feel so much so easily and who knows if this will last. All I know is if you were to make a move I wouldn’t be able to push you away…I wouldn’t want to.

It sucks.
Being so close,
But knowing,
I can’t.
Can’t kiss you.
Can’t hold your hands.
Can’t just hold you.
It feels like I’m holding my breath.
Waiting.
But waiting for what?
I guess that’s the question.
I feel this so much
“She told him that she loved him”
Only she told him that she loved him
She only told him that she loved him
She told only him that she loved him
She told him that she only loved him
She told him that she loved him only
I learned to cry softly into my pillow
To bite my tongue and to exert every ounce of sadness into those tears
It wasn’t until I exploded with guilt, anger, and sadness that they knew about the tears I wept in the darkness
The words I spoke to the ceiling praying to god himself for clarity for forgiveness
It wasn’t until I exploded I could feel the darkness deep inside my bones escape my body
It wasn’t until I exploded I could feel sunlight on the shadows of my soul
It wasn’t until I exploded I could see the color in the grey world I once knew so well
It wasn’t until I exploded that I realized it wasn’t supposed to be kept locked away all those years
When I exploded I bloomed into a beautiful sunflower thriving in the sunlight alive and well